I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
