I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
id be glad to
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
