i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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