we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
