Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
