$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
