All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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