I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
