dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
