i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize