My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
