it was like eating out sand paper
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
