The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
