i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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