god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
