New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
