he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
