it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
