Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
