Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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