i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
