EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize