Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
