I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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