So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
