I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
