I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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