why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Text me some of your sweat
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
