I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
