oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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