Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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