would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
