I'm drive I can fine osifer
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
