Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize