pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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