I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
