I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
