you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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