Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
