I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
