She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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