I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
