Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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