Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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