Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
