So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize