he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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