Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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