Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
