No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
