From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
