i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
