remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
