What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
