I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
