i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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