gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
