I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm really busy with my period
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