While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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