A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
