1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
