God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
