i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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