so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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