i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize