How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
