he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
