It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
