It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
