Got a toothbrush?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
