I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
