My nipple is on Facebook.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
